Amen

A few years ago a friend and I used to meet regularly to pray. We became renowned for it. If someone in church had a cold, we'd offer to pray and the snuffler would say, 'Please ... DON'T! I'll have pneumonia by next week if you pray.'

Ah, yes, we were good!

I have no idea why some prayers are answered as we want while some - many - aren't. I don't understand God. If I did, I would be God and I wouldn't want that. I'd much rather be his dependent child.

My cousin had ovarian cancer. As I've said before, she was convinced until her last breath that God was going to heal her. It was hard for the rest of us who could see her steadily weakening. Although we knew God could work a miracle, it didn't look likely.

One day she phoned me and said she'd been asking God for forgiveness. Now my cousin was the sweetest, most innocent, loving and trusting person you could have met so I was puzzled as to what needed such particular forgiveness. She explained, 'I haven't had enough faith in God; that's why he's not healing me.'

I was cross with her for believing such rot. Healing doesn't depend on us. If it did, we wouldn't need God. And I wouldn't think much of a god who said, 'Your prayers don't come up to my standard so I'm not answering them.' A god who thought I wasn't good enough.

No, of course I'm not good enough. That's why Jesus was born - and died.

God does want us to ask him for things. Why he doesn't always give them to us is a mystery. But I do know that someone's healing won't depend on how much or how hard I pray. How much guilt could we inflict upon ourselves if that were the case?

The days numbered for me are already written in a book. Can God be persuaded to change his mind? Now that's the question.
xx

Unconditional love

An interesting theological discussion nearly took place in Zac's last night. Blossom is of the opinion that you can ask for forgiveness in advance. ''Look, December's coming up. I'm going to drink too much and do things I shouldn't. Doesn't it make sense to get my sorries in first?'

There's not a lot you can say to that, hence the discussion nearly but didn't take place.

What was discussed more was the idea of loving one's self. Jesus tells us to love God and to love our neighbour as our selves. If I don't love myself, how can I love my neighbour? Occasionally this is taken to extremes and becomes arrogance but I think that there are far more Christians who struggle to love themselves. Even those who seem most secure and confident often have deep-seated hatred - or certainly dislike - for themselves.

This can be the result of upbringing, of never being shown love, of being constantly put down, or of an experience of 'love' of the most vile kind.

Or it can be an awareness of sin in one's life and not being able to totally comprehend and accept God's forgiveness. Not being able to quite believe that God can love someone so imperfect. Which is the crux of Christianity.

Grace. A just God giving us what we don't deserve (forgiveness, love) and not giving us what we do deserve (punishment). I know it's something I haven't properly grasped yet; I struggle with liking myself - because I know what I'm really like.

Deni did a neat summing-up of what God's love is that included the word 'unconditional'. That's the difference. God knows what I'm really like and still he loves me. If only I could believe that.
xx

Questions to ask God when I get to heaven: number 1

Why slugs?

What possible reason did you have for creating them? I mean, what do they do? What are they here for?

But then I think: a slug could ask the same about me.

His justification for being in the slug world is equally as valid as mine is in the human world.

That's rather a depressing thought.

God's not fair

For goodness sake, Blogger has a worse memory than I! I've told it my user name enough times and asked it to remember, but does it? Does it heckaslike.

Anyway, I wanted to think about Zac's last night before I wrote anything.

First thing: I joined in the discussion! Now that might not seem like much but it's a big deal for me. I talk a lot on here but in real life, I'm a shy little thing. I think i was helped by a quote I read on Winston's blog. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." (Dr Seuss) (??)

It's something I've told myself before but reading that just kick-started me to think it again, so thank you, Winston.

At Zac's, we were looking at things that were lost and found, like the sheep, the coin and the son - the prodigal. In that last story, younger son takes his half of the inheritance, goes off, blows it and ends up crawling home to dad, who is thrilled and throws a party for him. When older brother comes home from work, where he has been every day while younger bro has been living it up, he is, to quote Jenny, 'pissed off'.

Jenny and I were in a minority last night as we fully understood older brother's feelings, and felt it wasn't fair. It was suggested that the older brother's motives might have been suspect: he might have stayed home and worked out of a sense of duty rather than love; he was jealous of younger brother; and so on. Again all reasonable emotions and don't necessarily make him a bad man, but, as was pointed out, this was a parable - a made-up story - Jesus told, and, as such, had hidden meanings.

Okay, that's fair enough, but Lucy and I were still a bit hmmm about it.

Then I remembered the story of the farmer who employed men to work in his fields. Some started at 9 o'clock; others turned up and lunchtime and were employed; still more turned up at 4 o'clock and were given work. At the end of the day, they were all given the same pay. Now every time I read this story I want to shout, 'That's not fair!'

It wasn't until I was getting ready for bed last night - and I'd switched off the computer or I would have written it then - that I had this flash!!

God's not fair.

If he were fair, and playing by our rules, I'd have been given a red card and sent off long ago. But he's not fair; he's playing by his rules. If I want to benefit from that,then I have to allow others to as well: I have to play by his rules.

Thank God for that.