For some strange reason, lying in bed this morning, trying to have a lie-in, my brain began thinking about boys I knew in university. I think it might have been triggered by the dug-up ship in Suffolk mentioned in the previous post. And my brain said, "You might as well get up and write it out of me. You know I'm not going to let you sleep until you do." So.
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| A couple of years after uni |
As a teenager my innate shyness was compounded by my mum's over-protectiveness, making me fearful of males generally. I went to an all girls' school but while the other girls were already enjoying their first relationships I was sitting at home watching television, and dreaming of what it must be like. I never went out and my first real involvement with boys didn't happen until university.
The trouble was, the boys I liked - the ones everyone liked - were way out of my range. The ones who liked me were, well, the others. I know this because they all confided in my friend, Julia.
There was Nelson. He was in the Royal Navy and smelled. "It's a glandular problem," was the general consensus. Then there was Doug, Mr Beige Man, unintentionally the class fool. There was Phil, who drank too much and embarrassed himself and me. Then there was Dave, a mature student and widower, who lived in east England and was building his own boat. (See the vague connection with The Dig?)
The boy I did like I soon frightened off with my intensity of feeling. I was desperate, come on.
The big problem, of course, was me. I was immature and inexperienced. I didn't know how to deal with boys or emotions so I ran away, or ignored or avoided people. Looking back I realise they were all perfectly nice boys and had I not been so scared/superior/embarrassed I could have handled things differently and better. Made good friends with them at least.
Have I improved since then? I don't know. I still have a tendency to run away or hide from people if I don't know how to deal with them. It's probably too late to worry about it now though.
"Is that okay, Brain? Can I stop now?"
5 comments:
You did find a nice husband though! Was that later?
Yes, it was, Boud. When I started work after university. Saving myself for the right man!
I had the same problem. Probably still do in a way.
Seems healthy to get these thoughts out. I sometimes ruminate over "the ones who got away", "the ones who dumped me", etc. I'm glad you eventually figured it out :)
Congratulations, Liz, for making good friends. Good friends are harder to come by than are boyfriends/lovers. Your photo answers the question of "Was Liz always good Looking?" with a resounding "yes!"
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