It must have been in the early seventies, not long after abortion had been legalised in the UK, that I was sitting in my car at traffic lights and the car I was behind had a sticker on the back.
If abortion had been legal then would you be here today?
That memory has stayed with me so vividly that I even know exactly which traffic lights it was.
At the time I remember thinking, "I'm pretty sure I would be," but if the option had been available would my mother have taken it?
As a single woman in her early thirties, in a respectable job from a respectable family, coming from a small village, discovering she was pregnant by a man who wanted no more to do with her, would she have been tempted? I'm sure she would have been but I still think I would be here today.
From what I know of my mum from what others have told me I think that I'm right in my judgement. But I'll never really know as my mum died when I was eighteen way before we'd ever broken down the barrier, before we'd been able to talk openly to each other.
But abortion wasn't legal when I was born. Adoption was an option but that wasn't the road she chose. Instead she faced the gossip, the shunning, the small-mindedness of little villagers, and we survived, but it took a toll on her mental health.
A few years ago I was honoured to be present for a scan for a woman who had been told it was likely she was carrying a Downs child. I was with her for most of her ante-natal checks and saw the not always gentle pressure applied by the hospital staff to encourage her to have an abortion. Her mental health and history said to them, "This is the right way forward."
The woman, on the other hand, said, "This is my baby and I'm having him."
There was not a moment's doubt in her mind. Sadly since then her mental health has deteriorated further but I will always respect and admire her for her clear decision. (The baby by the way is growing up to be a typical loving Downs child.) If I had been in her position would I have been so sure? So immediately?
In both these cases the women involved had a baby that society would have, shall we say, advised against.
Which perhaps makes it sound as if I agree with the decision of the Supreme Court in America to overturn the laws allowing abortion. I don't.
Because I also know another woman who did have an abortion after being raped. I don't know if she's ever forgiven herself, but today she is a loving mother, friend, and supporter of women who are trying to decide. Her experience gave her a different view on her Christian belief in the sanctity of life.
And it occurs to me that I have had what could well be counted as an abortion and be illegal now in some states. I miscarried at twelve weeks. I didn't know I'd miscarried. I just knew I was in pain and bleeding. The doctor came in to my room in hospital, put up a screen and examined me.
The baby was dead and half and half out of my womb. She, the doctor, pulled the foetus out of me as my body wasn't ejecting it for itself. Would that have been allowed by some of the self-righteous state authorities? Or would they have made me carry the dead foetus to term when, I assume, it could be legally helped out? Or until it rotted away inside me and we both died?
That's an extreme imagined example. But losing my baby was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life and I can't believe many women go through it light-heartedly or without grief or regret. But all I can say is that making abortion illegal won't make it stop. Those with money will be able to travel to get it done. Those without means or support or love, and who see no future, no alternative, will have to find cheaper ways, dangerous ways.
Back street abortions. Self abortions. Is that what any of us want? And it's not just in America. As recently as 2019 Nadine Dorries, a member of the current cabinet, tried to introduce a law that would have stripped abortion providers of their role giving counselling to pregnant women.
I've thought about this post for a long time but I fear it may not come over as logical as I hoped. I am in a fortunate position. I was married when my three children were born healthy, and we were well able to provide for them. I wasn't giving up a future I had worked for or dreamed of. I'd only ever wanted to be a wife and mother. I am blessed it worked out. It's not that way for everyone and for some choosing an abortion may be the most difficult decision of their lives.
Let's not make it harder.
6 comments:
I agree so much. This is a compassionate viewpoint. The whole point is choice. The woman with the Downs baby made her choice. Your mom made her choice.
The arguments about, well, it may be the next Beethoven, he being one of a couple of dozen children, are specious. And the ignorance about such situations as ectopic pregnancies and anencephalic babies is shocking and I suspect wilful.
A woman’s right to choose what happens to her body is the essence of the issue for me. People who didn’t want anyone telling them to wear a mask or to get a vaccine, don’t mind telling women what they can do with their bodies. Amazing really!
Thought provoking! Thank you!
Difficult decisions and extenuating circumstances are precisely why it should be the pregnant woman's choice, and only that woman's choice, whether to carry a pregnancy to full term. Anyone else presuming or daring to make that choice for her is oppressive and abusive.
Having worked at a pregnancy advisory centre for some time, I met several women who were suffering with mental health problems after having an abortion. My aim was to help them work through the guilt and pain they were experiencing. Having given birth to a Downes baby myself, I also encountered professionals advising me to "put him away". Whatever the problems, we never thought of doing anything but caring for and bringing up that baby. As my pregnancy was normal, I had no warning that there might be a problem. Even if I'd known, I would not have had an abortion. I firmly believe that a baby is a baby, right from conception.
Well said I agree 💯 percent, it should be the women's right to choose, it's her body, I have known women who where shunned for keeping the child, while others had to choose to abort for health reasons normally the woman's mental health reasons or a dead baby in the womb.
It is not to be assumed that every woman who avails herself of abortion, legal or illegal, is regretful or mentally challenged by her decision. Of the six illegal abortions performed within my mother's and mother-in-law's generation, of which I was told, not one caused problems for the woman who had to make the choice. I feel neither condemnation nor endorsement for any of the women. It was not my body, not my choice, and none of my business.
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