I was thinking about new year resolutions this morning. I don’t know about you but I always find this period between Christmas and new year to be a bit of a strange time, neither Mary nor auntie as my great-auntie Vi would have said.
And inevitably my mind goes wandering to places it really shouldn’t visit.
I was listening to The Beatles while I did the washing up this morning, in particular to In My Life. It’s one of those songs that, although I loved everything by The Beatles, didn’t have a particular impact at the time. It’s only been in recent years that I’ve really listened to the words, and that’s been because I’ve seen them on social media made into posters, for some reason quite often with a tree.
“All these places have their moments with lovers and friends I still can recall, some are dead and some are living, in my life I’ve loved them all.”
And I ask myself, have I?
I’m not very good at love. And there are very few people in my life that I actually love.
A friend recently messaged to me to say how much she valued me and loved me. Then she messaged again saying, ‘I can just see you panicking now!’ She certainly knows me well!
I do care about people. Maybe it’s just saying it I’m not good at.
We’ve been re-watching the scandi-noir classic, The Bridge, recently. It’s still one of the best things on television, but the more I see of Saga, the lead character, the more I empathise with her, which if you know the series is a bit worrying. A brilliant detective, she is definitely what would you call ‘on the spectrum’. It’s not just that she doesn’t know the correct social responses to people’s feelings, she isn’t even aware of them.
I often don’t bother to say ‘the right thing’ because it seems trite but I end up saying nothing. Is that worse? When someone says they have to go to the doctor I don’t ask why. I assume they will tell me if they want me to know. Husband tells me off for this: you should express interest, he says.
I began writing this piece with both my next article for The Bay and my next talk for BMCR in mind but I think it’s getting a bit too navel-gazey.
Maybe my new year resolution should be to … love more? Or pretend more? Or at least try harder.
4 comments:
I'm with you, Liz, in feeling no need to pry. As you say, if they wish me to know something, they will tell me. That doesn't indicate a lack of interest. I can still be sorry that a person is going through "whatever".
No New Year's resolutions, here. Perhaps my friends could tell me what my resolutions should be.
; )
Just be you, Liz. There's no need to apologize, second-guess or strive to be someone we're not. We are who we are and that's just fine. You know, so long as we're not a serial killer or something.
I know what you mean about not knowing the correct social responses. I'm often stuck like that because like you I don't want to say something possibly trite or condescending. We loved The Bridge and found Saga quite fascinating.
I’m with., Debra. Be yourself is all. Except for the serial killer bit, as Debra said.
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