Sunday, July 25, 2021

Another sad post


I don't want to feel like this. I want to be excited for them. I want them to be happy. I want to be able to wish them success and mean it. I want to go back to being the silly granny my other grandchildren know, love, and deserve. I don't want to feel slightly apart from everything.

But I still feel sick, I still burst into tears randomly and have to go and be hugged by Husband. I am still taking gulps of air as if I can't enough oxygen into my lungs.

I need to do things to keep my mind occupied but I can't be bothered, nothing seems worthwhile, everything is too much effort.

And then I feel guilty because it's not the end of the world, it's not even a bad thing for them. I know so many people who have suffered real loss, and cope. I shouldn't feel like this.

I keep trying to think of the positives, to look on the bright side. They're not dead, for goodness sake. And for an instant I can breathe normally - but then my stomach reminds me.

I am hoping that writing this out will help me, be a sort of therapy, but it might be quite repetitive, so feel free to ignore me for some time.

Anyway they are safely in Italy now, staying with Nuora's parents until contracts are signed on their house. And then the Big Adventure will begin.

I was looking for a photo and came across this prayer I wrote for GrandSon4 when he was born. I need to remember what I prayed for him.


Marie Smith said...

Hold on! Love the last paragraph of your prayer especially.

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I read your post, and such a wonderful prayer, as the lady above said. Its the last paragraph you wrote. Yep he is on his adventures. They are on their adventures. I do hope writing helps you and you don't feel sad for much longer.

You said there are people in worse situations. But this is about your feelings. Yes there are people worse off. I being one. I can't get a hug when feeling low, down or sad. I live 5hrs from my sons and grandchildren..and one nearer two hours away but not seen him for a Year and a half. It wasn't easy moving all the way up to the North East at all. All on my own. I tried to find somewhere to live, close to them, after my divorce and having to sell my home. I tried for 6 months. I was living in bed and breakfast, whete I worked too. One room.!! Apart from the Covid Virus, I can't afford to travel down all the time., it is hard. If god has plans for me, I hope he does help me very soon , my wish would be to find a place down there. My eldest son wants me back down there, he says it all the time. My Youngest son says "mum, just look what you have on your doorstep (nearly) with the beautiful beaches. (he likes his walks and doing them alone. I on the other hand, miss company, I've walked the beaches, I have been to places, seen and done. What is going to happen over the next years, who knows. Maybe God will help me, on my way I hope he does, the swirling in the stomach, isn't good. I know. . Big hugs Liz. Take care and enjoy your grandchildren and be happy for the adventures of the other two.

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Ooops Sorry, its like an Essay. Hahaha. I'm sure this will make you laugh. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

You don't have to be brave or jolly... of course you can feel sad. All I can say is that you do learn to live with it
Meanwhile give thanks for Zoom and emails and photos and phone calls and all the magical things they haven't thought of just yet. It does all help.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Please don't beat yourself up for your feelings -- they are valid emotions. Feel them, process them, and then you will be able to transition and let them go, and be back in time to your usual self.

Janie Junebug said...

I agree with Debra. Go ahead and feel, without apology.


Polly said...

I agree completely with Debra. When my daughter emigrated to Australia I cried for weeks. Be kind to yourself, eat ice cream and chocolate :-)

Liz Hinds said...

Thanks all. I just read one of those 'sayings' on Facebook: Two things can be true. Others have it worse - and - your feelings are valid. Thank you for validating my feelings.

Unknown said...

I'm also on agreement with other ladies. No apologies needed.

MaryB said...

Oh, Liz. This GrandMary feels your pain. You'll miss them like crazy. Let the tears flow. Your feelings are absolutely valid. Do what you have to do to get through it. That's what good, loving grannies do. xoxo

pam nash said...

It's always sad when your child and grandchildren move away. Best to let out all the sadness and get all the reassuring hugs you need. Mine are also all faraway so I understand. But these days, with all the tech magic you can stay involved.