A Tail of Two Viewpoints

Or: How George defended us from aliens

My side of the story
I am awoken at 4.00 am by a whine. I check it's not Husband in pain or otherwise and conclude it's George. I ignore it. Minutes pass and there's another whine, a bit louder this time. I look at Husband who's apparently asleep and not making any move. I decide he's bound to wake up soon and try to sleep.

More minutes and a more insistent whining. I turn over in bed energetically thinking it will wake Husband. It doesn't. I sigh noisily, get out of bed and go downstairs.

George is in the hall by the front door. I open it and he goes out. I expect him to rush onto the grass and relieve himself of whatever urge he's experiencing. Does he? No, of course he flipping doesn't!

He calmly walks to the edge of the lawn and sniffs. Moves on a little and sniffs some more. This continues until he has made his way around one side of the garden. I encourage him to get on with it and then realise I need to go to the toilet so pop into the downstairs loo. 

I get back and he's still meandering. I encourage him a little more forcefully and then retire to the study to watch through the window. I soon get fed up and return to the front door and yell quietly. He looks at me as if he'd forgotten I'm there and returns to sniffing before chewing on a bit of grass that he promptly vomits up before continuing on his way.

I sense I'm in for the long haul and fetch my dressing-gown to keep warm. I look out of the front door in time to see him disappearing around to the back. I go and sit in the study for a bit. I consider switching on the computer but decide that's just silly so stare out of the window again. I spot a strange light coming from the trees across the road. I decide it must be aliens and forgive George for waking me.

Then I realise there is no George to be seen. I unlock the back door and call him. No response. It's very quiet out there. I can't hear a thing. I start to worry that he's died. (It's the middle of the night. You get these kind of thoughts in the middle of the night.)

I go back into the study, find my shoes and go out the back, shouting now with careless disregard for Husband or sleeping neighbours. I get to the bottom of the steps and decide it's a bit dark up there. Maybe I'll just wait a bit longer before I go and check. 

I make my way back to the front door to find George lying peacefully on the grass staring at the sky. He looks puzzled when I scream at him, 'Get in here NOW, George!'

He gets up - slowly and walks back in - slowly. I lock all the doors again and return to bed where the clock says 4.25 and Husband says, 'Where have you been?'

George's version of events
I am asleep on my bed below the study window when I am awoken by a noise outside. It wasn't the sort of noise I recognised. I think it my duty being dog of the house to investigate so I give a little whine. I don't want to bark and wake everybody and I know Dad's better at hearing things than Mum is, so he'll come down. But he doesn't.

So I try again. And again until eventually - if I had needed to relieve myself it could have been a sorry state of affairs - Mum appears. That's never good. She gets unreasonably grumpy in the middle of the night. I'm glad I don't have to sleep with her. 

Anyway she opens the front door and lets me out. Then she seems to expect me to do something. I've forgotten why I wanted to go out but I think a sniff around is always a good ploy. And I realise there is a strange smell, one I haven't smelled before. Aliens! 

I don't want to scare Mum so I pretend to be nonchalant and continue sniffing. She doesn't seem to approve of this and begins to call my name. She's doing it so quietly I can pretend I haven't heard her because I am seriously worried now that there could be aliens in the garden. I realise I will have to check out the back of the house but I don't want to worry Mum so I make a show of eating a bit of grass, which, of course, gets stuck in my throat making me a bit sick. this backfires, however, as she thinks I've now done what I needed to do and is more insistent than ever that I should go back to bed.

I know my duty though and I bravely, with no thought for my own safety, make my way around to the back garden. I quickly establish it's free of aliens so I sit down to rest for a while. It's peaceful out there but then I hear Mum clattering about and I fear she will wake the whole neighbourhood - and put the blame on me! She's done it before.

I return to the front garden and take up my guard position. I am just considering the constellation Orion when she opens the front door again and screams at me. I sigh. She just doesn't understand what dangers I protect her from. I slowly - I'm an old dog remember - get to my feet and make my way in. Mum mutters something as I pass by. I'd like to think it's, 'Thank you, George, for being so brave,' but I doubt it.