I only popped out to the shop to get some milk. I couldn't have been gone more than 10 minutes and yet in that time I was almost victim of a suicide bomber/car-crasher and I did fall victim to a loopy lady.
It will be easier if I draw you a picture:
I was driving up the hill when a car parked on the left pulled out. So far so good. Except the driver then veered straight towards me. I could see the whites of her eyes! See her eyes? I could see what she'd had for breakfast. At the last moment she took pity on me (see my face in drawing) and steered away, leaving me gulping for air.
Deep breaths later I arrive at shop where a packet of crisps is lying on the floor. I automatically pick them up and put them back on the shelf and the assistant thanks me saying everyone else walked straight past. You see: I'm a nice polite person. I don't deserve to be the victim of a suicide driver! (But who does?) Those crisps might have stayed on the floor for ever if I'd died.
Getting back in the car I prepared to drive off when an elderly lady peering at me signalled me to wait. Thinking she thought I was someone she knew - I wasn't - I stopped and opened my window.
'I just wanted to warn you,' she said, laying her hand on my arm.
'Oh?' I smiled, thinking she was going to tell me about thieves and suicide drivers operating in the area.
'Do you use your mobile in the car?'
'That's good. If you do have to, make sure you pull over and switch the engine off.'
'Buses are a lifesaver, aren't they?'
As she was in imminent danger of being squashed by the one passing I wasn't sure whether to agree with her but as she didn't look like removing her hand from inside the car until she was ready, I just nodded and edged forward a bit.
I'm not leaving the office on a Friday morning again.