Monday, October 22, 2012

Ten Top Tips for Church Administrators

1. If you drop the handset when answering the phone do not panic. Retrieve it and answer calmly as if there were merely interference on the line. Do not shout, 'Oh flip!' or worse and giggle helplessly as you answer. Most of all, do not say, 'I dropped the phone.' It makes you sound like an idiot.

2. When creating a new page for the website do follow some form of instruction. Do not attempt to make it up as you go along: it may appear to work but come the day you need to change it, you won't be able to remember how you did it in the beginning. You probably won't even be able to find it.

3. When you have to call someone on the phone, concentrate while waiting for him/her to reply. Do not start thinking about other things. Most of all, when he/she answers do not say, 'Sorry, who am I phoning?'

4. When writing the weekly notices do not allow your brain to take you on a journey of inventiveness. For example, if your guest speaker is named Julie Andrews, do not attempt to bring every song title from the Sound of Music into the notices. This will only lead to a sense of failure when you cannot think of a way to use edelweiss convincingly.

5. The photocopier does not think like a woman. Do not try to understand it. Accept there are some things that you need a man for. Trees should not have to die for your pride. 

6. Do not assume that people using the building will be interested in your theory about leaking tea-pots. They are only being polite.

7. Also do not assume that people will ever understand what you are talking about at any point. Their train of thought may not run along the same lines as yours so making giant leaps is a little like cockney rhyming slang. 

8. Climbing onto the porch roof to get a signal for the mobile phone probably breaks health & safety guidelines. So if you do it don't tell anyone.

9. Choose good headlines for your website/blog pages to attract readers. Titles like 10 Top Tips or How not to etc pull in the crowds. Don't let the fact that you don't have ten top tips deter you: once the 'punters' are in they will be so entertained by your writing they won't mind. Or they'll never come again. Either way they've pushed up your stats. Which what your boss wants.


katney said...

I am glad I am not the only one who does not remember who I am calling.

Leslie: said...

...and number 10 is.....

Oh Liz! You do make me laugh! This is formidable!

Anna said...

you should write a modern Barbara Pym with this material!

Anna said...

you should write a modern Barbara Pym with this material!

Liz said...

It's easy to do, katney. That's what i tell myself anyway.

Thanks, leslie.

Do you think, Anna?