My mum died when I was nineteen but that wasn't what did it.
My childless great-aunt who adored me and had wanted to adopt me (as my mum wasn't married) was killed in the car crash we were in on the way back from visiting my mum in hospital just before she died, but that wasn't what did it either.
My friend, the mother of four young children and aged just 39, died one Christmas Eve; that might have been the start of it.
My closest cousin, in her forties, died believing God was going to heal her; I think that did it.
Echo
The resonance of sound, reverberating as it rebounds,
to return again and again and again.
Each word reflected, mirrored, echoing, echoing, echo.
Calling out to the heights,
your cry thrown back at you,
a hollow shadow, bereft of life.
And when your ears are ringing and
the mimicry becomes too much to bear,
what do you do?
When your questions meet a resounding wall of silence
and a jagged peace tears at your soul,
what do you do?
Turn off the tears, shut down the heart,
build a wall to keep out pain
that buffets and shakes and threatens to undermine.
Let your heartstrings be pulled by sentimental songs,
reminding you of who you once were and how you used to feel
before.
Before you became an empty echo of yourself.
5 comments:
Oh, Liz, I'm sorry: so much pain. I really identify with "build a wall to keep out pain". The trouble is we can't, can we? Love from Sicily.
But, dear Liz, you are no less able to meet others at their point of pain and you always remember to pray for them - faithfully. S x
I am speechless. You certainly didn't block out your loving heart. Amazing! How sad and painful I know all those things are, your heart speak volumes.
All the best!
Tears are over rated anyway!
L
How eloquent in a heartbreaking way.
I wish I could give you a hug.
i think i catch some of the drift of this.
I felt for a lot of years there was something wrong with me that I couldnt cry anymore. My wife was sobbing at everything all the time. I had been fine in showing emmotions before that time. In fact I don't think anything happened to stop me. I have always been a loving friendly person so it wasnt that I didnt care. In fact I think maybe the 'problem' may be that I was busing consoling and caring and consoling others. showing them support that I forgot over time how to 'let it go' naturally myself.
It has change with one or two life events that caught me 'off guard' they have released the floodgates. I wonder if thats it? It'll come life and nature will sort it out.
Big Hug and Friendly Kiss mate and dont worry about it.
Chux
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