Something occurred to me this morning: I could have done my administrative job even though I wasn't going to church.
Backtrack. I used to be the administrator of Linden Church. A few years ago I decided I would stop attending church services because* I wanted to concentrate on Zac's. My exact words in my letter to the trustees, my bosses, were, 'I'm taking time out.' It was read as, 'You're leaving.'
Soon after that I was due for my annual review. I turned up innocently not expecting what happened. The trustees I was meeting with said they didn't see how I could continue to work for the church if I wasn't part of the church. They suggested I went away and thought about it.
I was amazed. I told Husband and he said, 'Why are you surprised?'
'Well, because ... I hadn't expected that.'
'They were bound to say that,' he said.
So I thought about it and offered my resignation.
It has taken the years since for me to come to terms with this. I hadn't appreciated how much I had been hurt. I hadn't acknowledged it and therefore couldn't deal with it. But time is a healer and I've made progress - deliberately taking action to repair the damage.
But even so every now and again, for some reason, it stings afresh. Like this morning. I told Husband about my realisation. He said, 'It was the best thing you ever did leaving work there.' Which is a sad reflection but not one that should be seen as mirroring the people in the church as a whole.
*I kept finding excuses not to go on Sunday mornings.