The gift of the gab

I've never had it. The gift of the gab that is. Very shy as a child so my mother sent me to Kate Kolinski for elocution lessons in the hope it would give me confidence. It didn't. All I got was this certificate for passing the exam. 

Then as an adult I tried kissing the blarney stone - at great personal terror, you understand. I had to walk around the castle three times telling myself it was perfectly safe to lie on my back across a hole with my head leaning backwards and down into nothingness.

That didn't work either.

I had better resign myself to the fact that I'm never going to get it.