Not a tale, no. A tail. Currently I am walking around with a hot wheat bag stuck down - and dangling out from - the back of my trousers. I have back-ache!
I never have back-ache. I rarely have anything. I am the world's fittest hypochondriac. Which makes me a hideous bore when I do have something wrong.
At first I thought I must have overdone it in circuit training but it feels different today. I undoubtedly have a rare back disorder.
It feels as I imagine the dreaded 'cold in the kidneys', I was so warned about as a child by my granny, would. 'Cover your back; you'll get a cold in your kidneys.' And I find myself saying it to my own children, or when I see youngsters out on the town in mid-winter with bare midriffs. Even though I don't know anyone who's ever had a cold in their kidneys.
The pain is too low down to be my kidneys. Oh oh, excuse me a moment.
Back now. I've been spying on George. He escaped again this morning in spite of the bucket so i thought he must have found another way out, but it turns out he hasn't. I crept outside and watched him. He's manoeuvring his way around the bucket. Which for a dog who hasn't yet mastered four-wheel drive or braking is quite an achievement.
I've put an old body-board there now as well as a temporary measure (temporary as in, we'll finish decorating the hall soon, temporary). He's eating a lego-man now.
Oh, yes, I remember. Frog spawn.
I've been researching Thai drinks and one famous one is made with Thai Sweet Basil seeds. When they're put in the liquid they swell and the drink looks and feels like frog spawn.
Oh, bless him. he's sitting on the lawn looking up at an aeroplane he can hear overhead. He's much more aware of things like that than Harvey was. Harvey never showed any interest in the television but the other night an advert came on (he's testing my barricade - better go check - bother, he's taken my shoe! Have to hop - it's okay, it's impenetrable) and it had a small black dot wending its way through other arrangements of dots. George carefully followed the dot, getting up close to it. It was so sweet to watch.
And the other day he was standing up against my chair when a tiny squeaky little fart escaped from his bottom. You have never ever seen a dog look so surprised. He turned round quickly then got down and started circling on his own axis, trying to work out where the noise had come from, I imagine. He hasn't learned yet to deny all knowledge and blame dad.
xx
Oh, yes, I remember. Frog spawn.