In which I am traumatised

My windscreen wipers went rogue.

You know when you're so used to doing something automatically that you don't have to think about it? 

And you know then when for some reason you have to think about how you do it? And you have no idea?

The windscreen wipers were on. I put them on intermittent setting then decided it had stopped raining so turned them off. And they speeded up! 

I panicked, pressed the button again, and they went back to intermittent. By this time I am yelling at them. "Just turn off, will you?"

I am thinking: I am doing it wrong? No, I'm sure I turn them off by pulling the lever down and stop intermittent by pressing the button at the end. I start doing everything and it stops. 

But not really. It has just switched itself onto very slow intermittent. "Go away!"

I notice there is a little green light on the lever next to Auto. I haven't noticed this before. I press the button again and the light goes out and the wipers stop. Properly this time. 

The rest of the journey is equally traumatic as it keeps threatening to rain and I do not want to have to go through this again.

I make it home only a bit greyer than I went out.

* * * * * 

Tamsin asked me, "How was exercise class?"

I reply, "Okay. But do you know the biggest problem I have in exercise?"

She shakes her head but has a knowing look.

I say, "Trying not to fart."

She bursts out laughing. "I was going to say that," she says. 

Sisters from a different mother.