It occurred to me recently that, come November, I will have reached my allotted span of three score years and ten. And I panicked!
Whenever I've spoken or led anything people often come up to me afterwards and say, 'I don't know how you can be so calm. You're always so relaxed.'
I tell them it's my swan impersonation. Serene on the surface but underneath my metaphorical feet are paddling like crazy, and in my case it takes this form. 'Why did I say that? Is anyone listening? Does everyone hate me? Why did I say I'd do this? Never again. Is that woman asleep? Oh what comes next? Don't panic. Keep breathing.'
I don't know why my realisation caused me such stress but maybe it's the fact that the majority of my life is behind me. Also this week sees the fiftieth anniversary of my Mum's death. I think I just suddenly thought, 'I can't keep on wasting time! I've got to live everyday! Make the most of this precious life before it's gone.'
That said I'm not sure exactly what would entail. Probably less time on Twitter and playing solitaire. More time smelling the roses photographing the snowdrops.
I'm pretty sure this flower is confused. It shouldn't be out at this time of year.
7 comments:
I agree about how you present yourself, in contrast to the inside you.
Back when I taught drawing to adults, during a terrible time in my life, partner's health rapidly deteriorating, my responsibility for him ever more crushing, students would say how happy you are!
They didn't realize the drawing classes were my happy respite place. But it improved their enjoyment of learning the hard art of drawing, so that was fine anyway.
Seventy is far behind me, and that's fine, too.
It's a hard shock to the system when we realize that we have more life behind us than ahead of us. Takes a bit of getting used to. My Rare One hit the three score years and ten mark recently. It was a tough birthday for her. But what are you going to do? It is what it is.
When you think about it though, that's been true for ages. St 45, most people have used more than half their allotted span. But we postpone the thought till it's really inescapable.
Just remember when you had your midlife crisis and double it ;-)
Awww...pretty flowers. At age 35, I assumed that the majority of my life was behind me. At age 40, on the basis that my folks and grandfolks had not made it to age 80, I thought that surely the majority of my life was behind me. So far, the majority of my life has not been behind me until I reached age 42. Ah...that was a great year. Forty-two is the age I stayed, inside.
Good luck in making a much larger number be your "majority behind you" age.
Wow!!!! I am jealous you have greenery outside already! We just had ~6 inches (~15 cm) of snow today. I am looking forward to the start of Spring…… in mid to late April! :)
It's just a number after all. There are bigger ones.
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