I went to a funeral today. Ten minutes before I was due to leave I thought I should check on the map where I was going. That was when I realised I'd thrown the address away.
My cousin was being buried in his garden and he lived in one of those places in Gower where the streets don't have names and the houses don't have numbers. Fortunately Google maps - may its name be praised - remembered the postcode from when I'd looked it up previously so that was a start.
Ms SatNav then took me to places I'd never been before, leading me eventually to a man looking as if he were going to a funeral. 'Is this Peter's funeral?' I asked him.
'Yes.'
'Phew.'
I got there just in time to see the coffin being lowered into the ground. Yes, it is allowed. I was surprised; I don't think you even need permission. But there must be some sort of record otherwise in years to come the field could become a site of police interest when bones are dug up unexpectedly. Anyway I digress. Several family members spoke about Peter and that was it.
Peter was an atheist who stuck to his principles and wanted to be buried with no religion and no fuss. It was ... I don't know what it was. A bit 'stick him in the ground and go' but if there's no thought of an afterlife, if death is the end, then why waste time on rituals? Does it make grieving easier or harder?
I'm pretty sure that the acute very real pain of losing a spouse or someone very close is hardly lessened by the thought that 'you'll meet again.' Maybe it's a thread on which to hang and maybe in time that hope overcomes the ache. But much of the comfort is found in memories.
I don't know.
What is strange is that people always comfort the bereaved and themselves, on the loss of even the most anti-God person, with words like, 'He's in a better place,' or if a widow dies, then, 'They're reunited at last.' (Don't get me wrong. I have no idea who's going to be 'in heaven' but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be surprised.) As if it's taken for granted.
4 comments:
I am surprised he could be buried in his garden ...let's hope the house doesn't get sold. Yes they do comfort the bereaved .. they have had a Loas. What I find strange is people go to funerals and haven't seen or spoken to the deceased for years ... why is that.. how do they find out the person has passed. And what good does it do the deceased? I am going to plan my funeral with a list of who can attend and who can't .. I don't think it is wrong ..it is my funeral after all..
Why waste money on an elaborate funeral when you could spend it on a foreign holiday instead? I think I've said before that when I die I want a quick cremation and that's it. Coffins and hearses and wreaths and undertakers really aren't necessary.
No , I don't believe in Heaven with clouds and harps , though I do definitely believe in an afterlife .
I know full well , for instance , that my mother still lingers to see what we're all doing . She wouldn't have missed her great-grandsons for the world !
there must be some record of his burial, Anne.
Indeed, Nick. My cousin apparently said he wanted the cheapest, quickest funeral he could have.
My ideas of heaven are very hazy, Sonata, but definitely no clouds or cherubs!
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