Thursday, August 04, 2016

What to do when I'm dead - a plan in seven parts

There've been a lot of deaths recently. I know there always are lots of deaths but these have been affecting people I know and that makes it personal. Three in the last week: one a woman in her fifties had been ill for a long time; the next a very-nearly centenarian; and finally today another woman in her 40s maybe 50s, completely out of the blue.

The first of those I saw about half an hour before she died and I began thinking about her husband and what to say to him. Then I tried to imagine what she would want to say to him and from there to what I would want to say to Husband were I dead. If that makes sense. So I wrote this. I think it's sort of finished but I may play around with it a bit more.

What to Do When I'm Dead - a plan in seven parts
Death brings with it its own terrible confusion. Life is just wrong somehow. Nothing is in its proper place. The world is back to front and upside down and nothing makes sense. That’s why I am giving you this plan, to help you make sense of the un-sensible. Don’t rush it. Living after death takes time.

1) Don’t be afraid of dead. 
Don’t let raw hurt be buried beneath gentle phrases. Give grief its proper due as the right feeling, the only feeling. I have not passed away or fallen asleep; I am dead.  For me this is a step on my journey; for you it is the end of the world. It feels like the end of the world. 

It isn’t. But you are allowed, you have my permission if you need it, to believe for a while that life has lost its meaning. And don’t be afraid that this will be too much. This is what death does. It hurts almost unbearably. But you will bear it. 

To read the rest (because I know you want to be really depressed) visit The Bits That Are Too Long

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