Wednesday, April 01, 2015

What do you call an aeroplane carrying elephants?

I woke with a headache yesterday and I knew why: I'd been making up jokes in my dream.

'What do you call an aeroplane carrying elephants?'
'A Jumbo jet?' Husband ventured.
'Oh no, although that makes more sense than my answer, which is a double jumbo.'

It was funny in my dream, okay? And if you think about the logic, a jumbo jet carrying elephants could be called a jumbo jumbo thus double jumbo. See?

I don't think I'll go into business as a joke writer though. Then again it's about as good as some cracker jokes. 

You'll be sad to hear I can't remember the other joke I made up. In my dream. Now you understand why I had a headache on waking.

* * * * * * * * *
Last night I lay awake for ages trying to remember who wrote About a Boy. More to the point, whether it was written by Nick Hornby and not the other man writer who writes proper stories (as opposed to crime/thrillers/mysteries).

(It was Nick Hornby and not Tony Parsons, whose name didn't come back to me until I was coming downstairs this morning.)

The reason I started on this sleep-preventing trail? My bedtime book of the moment, though possibly not much longer as it's not inspiring me yet, is written by Gill Hornby. You see how that caused sleeplessness? Is she married to Nick? And did she get published because she is? Or at least did she get given more opportunities because she is? Forgive my bitterness: I'm waiting to hear from an agent. It will be six weeks on Friday since I submitted my manuscript and the website said to email if you haven't heard back after six weeks but in my experience that means they then remember and reject you.

* * * * * * * * *

A funeral this morning. A lovely lady who'd beaten breast cancer only to be struck with an unassociated lung disease. Beautiful service where her husband and children all managed to speak, though not always without tears.

I don't know about you but funerals always make me think of my own. Make me wonder who'd come and what they'd say. Such a shame we don't have funerals before we're dead. Then again perhaps I wouldn't want to hear what some people might say.

Two things I do want at my funeral: laughter and motorbikes. Not belonging to a motorbike club I'm probably not entitled to a biker parade but maybe I could have an honorary one. I shall have to speak to Sean about it.

Husband said he'll be too upset to laugh so I think I'll have to book Miranda to come and, well, just be Miranda. I'd better start saving now. 


nick said...

Gill Hornby is Nick Hornby's brother. Also she's married to Robert Harris. So yes, I guess her family connections might have been helpful.

I'm not bothered about a funeral, since I won't be around to attend it. I'd rather my remains were just quietly cremated and scattered somewhere.

Liz Hinds said...

Still not enjoying her book!

Don't you think it's a shame though that so often we don't acknowledge how valuable people are for the small things they do, Nick? Until they're dead I mean. Just being kind for example.

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Hi Liz. I just had to read this post. I never know what the post is going to be about. One thing for sure you is ,yiu do come up with very interesting titles. ..😁 As for funerals , well I have only been to 4 I think. .my sister's, father in law and a good friends. . As for my funeral I am going to make a list of who can come. ..or should I say who I would like there. Yes your right about thinking about people when they are alive. I am not sure I understand the term "a good turn out" .. I would rather have a few people who actually are genuine and want to be there. .. so that rules out even family who I haven't spoken to for years. Why would they be there ? Done thing maybe.

Katney said...

I know when I wake up exhausted that I have been dreaming and working very hard at something in the dream. I rarely remember, and when I do it is never complete--leaving me with an exhausting question.

And, BTW, I want mariachis and bagpipes. But funerals are for those left behind, so they can do what they think best.

Katney said...

I am neither Scottish nor Mexican, BTW, so probably not entitled to either.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

What I'd really like would be just to evaporate after death without any ceremony at all . Though that might not be milieu-friendly enough ...