Thursday, June 09, 2011

A significant cough

Last night, when he phoned, Husband asked if I'd be willing to read something at Mother-in-law's funeral; I said I would. (I'm the token Christian in the family.)

Not a problem, I've read in front of people loads of times - and I'm a good reader! A few bible verses will be no trouble.

Then I spoke to Sean this morning. He's done plenty of funerals so I asked him for suggestions about what to read expecting him to reel off a few scripture references. But he didn't.

Instead he suggested using a familiar reading, such as part of the 23rd psalm, and making it relevant to the family. And I'm a writer so I should be able to do that. Except ...

My relationship to my mother-in-law hasn't always been the best and if I am to read at her funeral with any integrity then there are things I need to put down. I've thought I've put them down in the past but in their squeaky little voices they've demanded to be picked up again at the least provocation.

I can read some bible verses well, and I can believe what I'm reading and say it with conviction, but if I am truly to reflect the God I say I follow I have to be able to say words honestly and know that the sentiments I hold in my heart are the same as the words I speak.

I do hate it when God gives that significant cough over my shoulder: 'Huh hum, you know what you have to do.'
'Yes! But that doesn't mean I have to want to do it ... help me to want to.'


Suburbia said...

Very difficult indeed, but I know what you mean. One reason I find religion so difficult is because I feel I need to accept ALL that is involved with my heart and I find that too hard to do.

Good luck with your task. We are only human...

James Higham said...

It's so difficult to deal with it when the relations weren't that good and everyone knew it.

CherryPie said...

You will find a way to say the right words and reflect all of that.

I think the process will be healing and uplifting even if it is difficult along the way. And going through the process will help you to put down those things you have been unable to in the past.

Anonymous said...

It's not the coff
that carries you off
it's the coughin'
they carries you ough in ;-)

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

You'll do it beautifully because you have a kind heart and you love the family you built together .

Liz said...

I don't think you have to accept ALL, suburbia. there's loads I question.

typical mother-daughter-in-law situation I fear, james.

They have, cherrypie.

Thank you for that, stu!

THank you, sonata.