In which I do kung fu in the woods

Husband went to Derby this morning as Mother-in-law was hospitalised last night with an angina attack, so this afternoon George and I went for a power-walk. Meaning I walked a bit faster than normal while swinging my arms; George did what he always does.

Which was fine until I became convinced there was someone following me!

I glanced over my shoulder a couple of times but he was too fast for me so I came up with a cunning plan. I strolled along casually, whistling for a bit and then I spun around in full kung fu attack fashion, while emitting an ear-piercing scream.

Husband says the only effect that will have is to make my would-be assailant laugh but that is all part of my cunning plan. When his defences are down I shall swiftly execute a front kick followed up with a nifty jab and cross and ending with a hefty right hook. If he's still laughing - which I doubt - I'll elbow him in the face.

I demonstrated this to George in the woods today. He watched me and then said, 'You have quite a vicious streak in you, don't you?'

'I'm not vicious,' I said. 'I'm highly strung. Each nerve is stretched taut, alert, ready to respond to the slightest hint of danger.'

'Me too,' George said, as he wallowed in a muddy puddle, bits of grass dangling from his jowls.

Of course we both know that really I'd wet myself and run screaming like a girly. This afternoon I leapt out of my chair with fright when James walked in the house. And I was expecting him.