Wednesday, September 09, 2009

A doodling fortune

Don't worry, I'll soon get fed up of doing my doodles! But my plan, you see, is that they will be my pension. I only work a few hours a week and only took out a pension recently so when I retire I'll be getting about fourpence happenny a week. Hence the need for an alternative source.

Like Baldrick, I have a cunning plan. My thinking is that when I am famous my doodles will be worth millions - like John Lennon's or Spike Milligan's. The only flaw in this scheme is that involves me becoming very famous very quickly, and I haven't worked out how to achieve that yet.

Naturally I would like it to be as a writer, however, even the most accomplished writers achieve only limited fame - unless they have a fatwa issued against them. And I'm too much of a coward to risk having to live my life looking behind lamp-posts and under cars. At least any more than I do already.

So any suggestions anyone has would be gratefully received.

As I have mentioned many times on this blog, the one thing I am good at is sleeping but currently even that gift appears to be failing. Last night I woke at 4 and could not get back to sleep. The more I tossed and turned, the more I stressed and my brain woke up. Eventually I went and made myself a cup of tea and tried to practise some relaxation techniques. When I had a counsellor - before she gave me up as a hopeless case - she provided me with a cassette tape that she had recorded talking me through the relaxing each bit of your body thing. The problem there is that, when I used to do it, I always fell asleep by the time I was halfway through so I don't know how it ends.

I finally drifted off and dreamt that I was in a fiercely bad mood, so bad that someone decided I should see a doctor but to get into his surgery I had climb over the railings ...

Incidentally is there anything more annoying, when you can't sleep, than the sound of your partner snor - sorry, breathing heavily next to you?

Actually, yes, there is. When he stops breathing heavily and, in fact, seems to stop breathing altogether.


Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I know just the feeling,and yes made worse by the snoring partner, who most probably woke you in the first place.... and just when you are drifting off, they stop breathing and you are awake again...!!!!

CherryPie said...

Then after that pause in the breathing is the loud snort that scares you half to death!!!

nick said...

I often wake at 4 or 5 am. I find what usually sends me back to sleep is visualising calming images - autumn leaves drifting to the ground, the reflection of the moon in water etc.

Liz said...

A partner who insists he doesn't snore too, anne!

That's true, cherrypie.

Normally it doesn't take me long to drop off again, nick, but I think my head must have been particularly buzzing - hence the flood of posts yesterday!