I have come to the conclusion - no, I've known for some time - that I am to gardening what McDonald's is to good food. But really that isn't a good comparison as McDonald's could argue that they produce food that is edible and enjoyed by many; my only talent in the garden is destroying it.
But I am very good at that.
I wonder if this is my big opportunity.
They have house clearers so why not have garden clearers? If you want to sell your great-aunt's house now that you've put her in a home for the mentally decrepit and you are planning what you're going to do with all the money, then wouldn't it be worth so much more with a tidy garden? A cleared garden would make the space seem bigger and it would be a selling point: a garden ready for you to design to suit yourselves.
And George would be an asset to me. He is excellent at digging up plants, eating bulbs and chewing bushes.
Yes, I think this is definitely the way to go. Except when it rains.
P.S. I just thought: I am to gardening what Alan Titchmarsh is to steamy sex scene writing.
P.P.S. Mr Titchmarsh is a television gardener who has taken up writing novels in his spare time (pah!) and he won the Bad Sex award for one of his books.
P.P.P.S. The question remains: how am I at steamy sex scene writing? The answer is that you'll never know.