What, would it kill you to sit down for one lousy second?

We're taking George to meet his therapist tomorrow. I hope she is nice.

One of the books I requested and received for Christmas is called How to Raise a Jewish Dog.

I'll quote some of their advice.

Instead of physical punishment they suggest Situational Martyrdom. First for mild misbehaviour, try the Ingrate Inventory.

After prefacing with "This is the thanks I get," recite a list of the treats and luxuries you give the dog. Be sure to maintain a vocal tone that is oddly calm and devoid of emotion.

For more serous offences try Prolonged Being-Very-Disappointed-in-the-Dog

Don't say anything. Don't even look at the dog. Deny that anything is wrong to people who ask, and, especially to the dog.

But what if your dog gets depressed?

Today's owner understands that the dog has a point.

She realises she has been oppressing the dog in exactly the ways in which she was oppressed when she was a child.

For instance your dog may express his depression by lying, unmoving, with his head between his paws. What he is displaying here is his belief that he is taken for granted, unappreciated and a failure. To remedy this the authors suggest positive affirmation. The owner needs to recite to her dog, several times a day, I have perfected the position where I am ready to pounce. I am a genius. The owner should keep reminding her dog of this until he snaps out of his depression.