The art of stick choosing

Size isn't everything, it's true, but length is the most important factor I believe.

Unless a stick is long enough it won't have the momentum (my scientific explanation) to carry it any distance. But weight, or rather, circumference is also crucial.

Too light and it'll be blown the wind's way however I throw it; too heavy and I won't be able to throw it.

A rough end is to be avoided as it will scratch my hand as it flies out of it. Rotten wood is also a no-starter. Literally as it breaks as it leaves my hand and drops in two pitiful pieces on the floor at my feet.

Speaking personally I like a bit of a bend in the end. I feel it gives more power to my throw.

And George likes any stick he can chew.

So you see there is an art to stick choosing. Discus throwers at the Olympics have it easy. They know what weight and shape they're getting and they will have a good idea of its path of motion. They just need strength and any old muscle-bound Bertie can get that. I am of the opinion that discus throwing should be replaced by stick-in-the-wood throwing. This would obviously include finding your stick first. But it would be a far fairer test of mental and physical agility. I shall write to Boris and suggest it for the 2012 games.

An aside
I am not into sport except rugby and I didn't watch the Olympics but 'Ping pong's coming home' has fired my imagination. I know some people have been critical of Boris but can you imagine if it had been Ken in his place? Boris and I might wear different colours politically but I can't help liking him, even if he does think Wales is in England. He's such a buffoon he can get away with that; anyone else would have been first against the wall.