The joys of modern technology or How I stopped worrying and learned to love the remote

Last week our digibox died. That's the thing that allowed us to watch several free television channels. Oh, and digital television. So we needed a new one and decided to buy one of these super-techy ones that allow you to stop and start live television. Which is still a mystery I haven't been able to come to terms with.

But enough of my inadequacies. Husband works away and spends his evenings in the gym and the bar so was going to be missing The Apprentice. 'Record it for me,' he said.
'Um, yes, okay. I'll try.'
'It's easy. All you've got to is press the Record button.'
'Yes, okay.'

I studied the remote.

Not a Record button in sight.

I found the instruction manual. It said, 'Press the Record button.' I looked at the remote again. There wasn't a Record button.

I went and found Younger Son. 'Have a look at this,' I said, thrusting the remote in front of him. 'Can you see a Record button?'
'Yeah, there.'
'How do you know that's the Record button?!'
'It's red.'

I gave up and went away.

We continued the discussion over dinner. 'Red always means stop,' I said.
'Not on remotes. The Record button is always red.'
'Well, why doesn't it say Record on it?'
'Because everyone knows the red button is for recording.'
'I didn't know! Red always means stop!'
'The square means stop.'
'So does red.'
'Okay, what means Play on the remote?'
'The arrow.'
I could see I was going to lose this argument. My logic was already looking flawed even to me. I gave up.

Bah, humbug.

P.S. I quite often mistype 'that' as 'atht'. Spellchecker asks me if I mean it to be 'at ht'. Why on earth would I want to write at ht? It's not even Welsh.