Thursday, April 17, 2008

And who am I?

I am an electrical genius! Any fuses you need changing, just call on me.

I am not, however, Top Dog. And that is the problem. With George anyway.

Shiatsu is an holistic treatment and my session this morning concntrated more on my mind than my body. My practitioner asked how I would define myself. The first thought that came to mind was 'by George'.

It used to be through my children. 'I'm a mother.' Now, although I have walked a clearer path over the last few years, I am still struggling to clarify who I am. I wnat to be defined through my creativity but I'm not sure that I am. Does it matter who I am? Should I be defined as anything other than just me?

Husband doesn't come to church or Zac's or writing courses, so most of the people I mix with don't have the idea of me as Husband's wife. And, now children have grown, no longer Children's mother. So what do others see me as?

Because my mother went out to work to keep me, I was largely raised by my grandmother. I hardly knew my mother when she died when I was 19. Now, 36 years later, my memories of her are really other people's memories.

If I were to wake up dead tomorrow, I wonder how my children would remember me in 10, 20, 40 years. Probably for asking stupid questions like this!

I think I'll stick to changing fuses: it's less complicated than this navel-gazing.
xx

1 comment:

Leslie: said...

I know just how you feel, Liz. I'm still trying to figure out who I am after 15 years of being a widow. What a hideous word for someone my age! I want to be young and carefree again, laughing and flirting, dancing and partying.

Maturity sucks!

LOL