Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
NOW YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!
At our Breast Test Centre they have a poster on the wall. Apparently designed by a staff member it shows women what to expect.
10 comments:
Mrs. Grey laughed at this over my shoulder and added the words...
"Just wait until you have your rectum prodded..."
(one of the delights to look forward to of growing older as a male)
Ouch! Sounds like the practicing is worse than the actual deal. LOL.
Love it! - Especially the fridge door bit,as that is the best analogy. To be honest, I never found the mammogram a problem - that's one advantage of being well endowed in that department!
I really shouldn't laugh but I have! Didn't feel as funny at the time though!
Great blog.
Well this is why we are women I guess. all these tests!! So far I have just went in and got them done and walked away!! I am getting used it all now after all of these years now!! It has to be done so what??? I have read this before..but I do love the cartoon drawings at the end.CUTE!!! SAndy
Roomie tells me about these tests and I always think she's making it up. Nothing could be that bad. Well, maybe it could. But what does a guy know? I sent her the link so she could empathize...
Ha...a friend sent me that email the other...ouch!
I'm not sure you can ever prepare for this. And last I looked neither one of my breasts were smiling before or after being made into flapjacks. Hmmm, and they wonder why some of us take forever to makes these appointments.
When I have mammograms I don't look at my breast. I did once, and it was frightening...this piece of squished flesh that belonged to me! Eeeeuw, it's enough to put one off ever getting naked again! But then, for 364 days of the year, our boobs aren't squished between two slabs of metal/glass, are they?
Gentlemen, I hope you will be suitably sympathetic in future!
I've never found it too bad either, welshcakes. I'm similarly well-endowed! However there does come a point when she's turning the screws when you think, 'It can't get any tighter surely?' And it does!
In Wales they make a point of inviting all women in their fiftieth year to come for a routine mammogram. When I got that letter, I knew being 50 was going to be just as bad as I'd imagined! (It hasn't really!!)
Good to see some new visitors here, welcome Ruth and Sandy. And good to see you back Mr Grey; I thought I might have siad something to upset you.
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