Receiving not giving

I went to Zac's Place this week for the first time since before Christmas. With it being a new year we're looking at rebirth for a couple of weeks.

Sean asked how peoples' lives had changed since becoming a Christian. Several people had very dramatic turnrounds to tell about. Their lives had been extreme before so I suppose it was likely that the change would be extreme. Me, I can't really say that my life changed much. Indeed I am very aware when I do something totally unChristian how bad an example I am showing Husband.

I know God loves me; I know I am forgiven. But there is a big gap between knowing in my head and knowing in my heart. It's that gap that keeps me quiet, makes me wonder. And I don't know how to bridge it.

Someone said that everyone's experience is different; someone else said that it's a journey we're taking. I have turned round and I'm on the right path, but I have a very long way to go.

I started going to Zac's because I thought I could give support. I find I am more screwed-up than most of the regulars, and I'm the one who is receiving not giving. I am grateful.