Sunday, March 16, 2014

The ramblings of a confused woman

One week I announce I'm leaving Linden in favour of Zac's, the next a tragedy occurs in Zac's.

And now I have time to think I realise that in stepping out of Linden I'm leaving the safety zone. In abandoning the safety net of numbers and familiarity and middle class politeness where I can be just another masked woman I'm distancing myself from the edges of a room to put myself with the edges of society where the vulnerable and damaged are more easily identified. They exist in every church - in all of us - but the wounds and scars are more visible in some places. 

Linden has played a huge part in my life and the gap that I find between it and me is of my making, I know that. I could have played a fuller role there - to a certain extent - but I chose to follow a different path. And it's going to be challenge: I'm not a natural people person and my innate selfishness will always be a problem causing me to question my motivation and desires. And what makes me think I'm the person for this? Wouldn't I be better just sitting in a quiet corner mouthing the words, talking the talk?

But today I talked to God, handed it over to him, asked him to help me a better person. The person he created me to be, the person I could be. To help me not make me; I've got to do my bit too.

9 comments:

Furtheron said...

Reading both last posts you'll make it. Your selfawareness and strength will assure that. Step well on the path of life my friend.

Liz Hinds said...

Thank you, Furtheron.

CherryPie said...

The uncertainty of change often leads to a confused feeling. I am sure you will work your way through it.

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I have just left a comment on the post before Liz.. I am very surprised to read that you are not a natural people person , surprised indeed.. you do a great job with people I have read about.

Liz Hinds said...

Thanks, cherrypie and Anne.

Shirley Davis said...

I'm a people, you're a person and we've known each other about 16 years! So I think you are indeed a people person.

Liz Hinds said...

16 years? Is it really? Anyone would think from that that we were getting on while in reality we're mere youngsters!

Leslie: said...

And there you go, Liz, making a joke with Shirl...that goes to show you ARE a people person - you make us laugh and that quality is truly a delight and a blessing. You're just in transition right now - all will work out.

Liz Hinds said...

Thanks, Leslie! x