Friday, March 23, 2007

Another post for curvy women!

Reading Welshcakes's post reminded me of my first visit to a high class lingerie store.

Marilyn, a big busty blonde, ordered me into a cubicle and told me she’d come in with the tape when I was ready. I decided if she brought a whip as well I was off.
I pulled the curtain behind me and took off my jacket. I wasn't sure of the etiquette for bra measuring so was dithering over whether to remove my blouse when Marilyn appeared. ‘I can’t measure you through your blouse, madam,’ she sighed.
‘Sorry.’ I took it off.
Marilyn wielded her tape expertly. ‘What size bra are you wearing at the moment?’
‘I’m not exactly sure.’
‘You’re not sure?’
‘No, it’s my best one and I haven’t worn it for a while. I think it’s 36 or, maybe, 38 B.’
‘When will women ever learn?’ she sighed again. ‘The way they treat their most precious assets is nothing short of scandalous.’
She disappeared and returned a few moments later with a cream lace contraption with more metal supports than the Severn bridge.
‘Try this one on.’
I expected her to leave the cubicle but she stood behind me as I removed my bra to reveal dangling blotchy mammaries. I would not have been surprised if her drawn-on eyebrows had flown off her forehead. I tried to tell myself she had probably seen worse - on aged matrons. I turned the bra inside out and back to front to do up around my waist.
‘What are you doing?!’ she practically screeched.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, quickly undoing the bra and giving it back to her. ‘I thought I was meant to put it on. I’m very sorry.’
‘That’s not the way to put on a bra. Really, do mothers teach their daughters nothing these days? Lean forward.’
I did so.
‘Now let your breasts fall into the cups.’
No problem there, falling breasts I can do. I waited for the next instruction. At last the words, ‘Are you going to put your arms through?’ were exhaled through smoking nostrils.
‘I’m sorry.’
I was beginning to sweat. She grabbed the back of the bra, yanking me up to a standing position, and fastened it.
I began to breathe again, then, ‘Eek!’
Marilyn had thrust her hand inside the right cup and was fiddling with my boob.
‘You have to get it into the right position,’ she said, before repeating the procedure with the left one.
‘There,’ she said, when she was satisfied, ‘see what a difference it makes.’
She ran her hand up from my ribcage to my nipple, ‘See how it lifts,’ and from nipple to cleavage to nipple, ‘and separates.’

I was beginning to suspect she enjoyed her job too much.

15 comments:

chux said...

erm erm erm erm erm erm erm .................

i'm glad that doesnt happen when i'm buying boxer shorts.

She does sound like she enjoys her job a little TOO much.

but thank you for sharing that .......I think :)

all the best
Chux

Lee said...

Oh! Dear! I guess that's why I try to avoid fitting rooms!

Vic Grace said...

I've had similar experiences here. A couple of years ago I decided I would go into one of those special lingerie stores, I'd always been a bit leery of doing so, and get a proper measurement. I was having a problem, all the bras I tried seemed to be giving me four breasts not two. Now I have my correct measurements at least my bras fit but I am still uneasy in those stores.

Serena Joy said...

Yikes! Sounds a bit too much like torture. Almost makes me glad I'm not all that curvy. LOL.

Age is All in the Mind said...

Hmmm I would like a job like that

fools' cap said...

I remember having conversations about how best to wear a bra with some very surprising people. The latest was on Iona with Martin, the staffing co-ordinator, over lunch. But he did say his sister runs a lingerie shop...

Winston said...

After your opening couple of sentences, my thought was, What's wrong with a big busty blonde with a tape and a whip?

Then after your ending, I was absolutely certain that this is a job I will train and apply for as my next career. I believe I have the hands, skills, and apTITude to excel in the cubicle.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Elsie said...

Sort of funny, sort of creepy, but I bet that new bra did fit better than any of the others you had at the time. I had a fitting recently, after all Oprah's hoopla about 80% of women wearing the wrong size (usually too big a band and too small a cup). Many women were going from a 38B to a 34C or something like that. I thought, here's my chance to increase my bust size, in my head anyway. Sure enough, the band size I'd been wearing was too large, but the cup size stayed the same! Big sigh! The woman did stay in the dressing room with me, but she never put her hands on my boobs. And she also managed to squeeze me into a teeney body shaper that actually made me feel pretty great in my new little black dress. She became my new best friend that day!

Liz said...

That's what happened to me, Elsie: I went from 36B to 34E (No, I can't see my feet when I'm standing upright!)

Yes, chux, you see how easy men have it!

Lee, Vic, Serena, Maria, it is a bit of an ordeal, but so worth it. It's increased my confidence as well as my bust size!

Age and Winston - what can I say? I'm sure you'd both be excellent at the job!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Thanks for the link, Liz. Love this post, especially the comparison of that contraption to the Severn Bridge!

Delicolor said...

Somewhat off topic, but when I worked in a Concert Hall, we frequently had to shift the grand piano, by a dozen of us lifting it onto risers.

The standard approach was...

"After three- one-two-three LIFT!

....and separate!"

MaryB said...

Yes, I can relate. Several years ago, I timidly walked into Intimacy, a lingerie and bra-fitting shop in Atlanta. It was an embarrassing experience, but the woman who helped me wasn't as dominatrix as the one you had. However, I will say that finding the right bra made me look and feel pounds thinner (I'd been in the wrong size for years.)

And lucky me, there's an Intimacy on 89th and Madison here in New York. I suspect it's time for another little fitting. When I work up the nerve.

Steve G said...

Oh my, you gave me a good laugh today.

Mauigirl52 said...

Snort! I was laughing out loud about the Severn Bridge. Thanks for giving me a smile! I can imagine the whole scene! ;-)

Akelamalu said...

LOL that reminds me of the one and only time I got fitted for a bra. The assistant gave me something resembling a hammock in a size only an elephant would need. I left and went back to trying on bras I thought looked the right size until I found one that was comfortable.

I'm here from Suburbia's. :)