My brilliant invention

And why it turned out that it wasn't needed anyway.

I was in Sainsburys when I had my brilliant idea and I perfected it while I was walking George. All you need is a bit of cork and a wire.

You take the bit of cork and shape it so that it fits in your ear. You then stick the wire into/onto it. It has to be a long enough piece so that the other end will reach inside you jumper. And tra la ... there you have it: the perfect device for a talker-to-yourself. 

No longer will you look weird when you're out and you suddenly realise you're talking aloud to yourself - as has happened to me twice recently, hence my mind thinking along these lines. Everyone will think you're talking on your phone but without the hassle of a) having to take your phone with you; and b) actually having to talk to someone.

So that is my wonderful invention. A boon to Mankind. I was in the process of writing my Nobel Invention Prize acceptance speech - in my head of course - when it struck me: why is it considered odd to talk to one's self? And it undoubtedly is. The number of times I've had complete strangers say to me, 'It's the first sign of madness you know, talking to yourself.' Yes, and the second sign is answering, which I also do - because I've asked myself a question so it needs an answer.

But surely it's just thinking aloud. we all think and ask ourselves questions (or is it just me?) and sometimes it just helps to hear the answer aloud. For instance if I'm in Sainsburys (really I should get commission the number of times they get mentioned) and I'm trying to remember what I need it helps if I ask, 'Do I need baked beans?'
Then I visualise the shelf in the pantry and can answer myself. I can't be the only person who does this, so why is considered odd?

I mean sometimes I have to pretend I'm speaking to George. (Obviously I do talk to George but on occasion I have used him as an excuse as well.)

Actually it should be celebrated as a sign of an active, thoughtful, questioning, deliberating brain. A positive to be shown off proudly, especially when you get to my age.

So let's hear it for and from the talkers-to-themselves! Be proud! Speak out loudly! And feel sorry for those poor people who have to rely on phones and other people for conversation.