Thursday, July 07, 2016

I could be a second Dorothy Parker

It's very strange. In the morning I shower and dress and my boobs are perfectly positioned in my bra. Come dinner-time they've gone astray. How does that happen? Do they have minds of their own? It would explain a lot, for example, how some people can make them twirl in opposite directions. No matter how I try they simply shudder and flop back down. Then again I struggle to even do the tapping head rubbing tummy trick. So if each bit of my body controlled itself it would explain my lack of general togetherness. 

Ah well, just another of life's mysteries. A bit like the fact that I never come up with a sharp and biting retort to something until at least two hours after needed. Then I have a wonderful riposte and nowhere to put it. Such a waste. I could be another Dorothy Parker if ... well, quite a few things probably.

I've also left it too late to order WonderWoman knickers. 

And on a separate note, George has eaten our guest-dog's bed. 

It's very confusing having an Ollie to stay when we have a grand-dog called Holly. Especially as they're both brown. Ollie has one of those stretchy leads and I took him out by myself today for the first time. Pretty soon we got wrapped around a tree.
Ollie also doesn't like steps. He came to greet me and then couldn't be bothered to come back up the steps, settling himself down at the bottom in preference.


nick said...

I'm trying to think of a sharp and biting comment about wandering boobs, but nothing comes to mind. I'll return in two hours when a stunning witticism makes its appearance. Possibly.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Biting ?

You're going to have to start feeding George , at some stage ... A big bowl of porridge every morning , perhaps .

Liz Hinds said...

I'm still waiting, Nick.

Do you think so, Sonata? I suppose perhaps I should.

Rose said...

I do hope you didn't have to carry poor Ollie back up the steps! I can never think of a witty retort right away either; I've often thought I should write down all the brilliant remarks I think of later and carry them around in a little book for when they're needed. Somehow, I don't think that would have the same effect.

Liz Hinds said...

Perhaps we should learn some off by heart so we're always ready, Rose. But i'd probably get them mixed up at the last moment.