Tuesday, June 02, 2015

I blame James Bond

You'll recall my sliced finger from an earlier post; what I didn't mention was that a few days earlier I'd slipped on a wet paving slab in the garden. I athletically turned it into a forward lunge and suffered no damage, apart from a slightly swollen head when I considered said athleticism.

Today returning from the rhubarb patch with sharp knife in hand I again had to manoeuvre wet slabs. it was fine but in my imagination I saw myself slipping, stabbing my leg with the knife, puncturing an artery and dying slowly and alone in the rain. From there it was a mere hiccup to planning the songs I'd have at my funeral.

One of my favourite church songs is Be Thou My Vision, but I'm not sure that a forward-looking song at a funeral would be quite right. So I decided to concentrate on my final song, the piece of music I'd like to be lowered to the flames to.

It was a simple decision in the end.  I did wonder about a Beatles song as their music was the soundtrack to my life but there was one clear winner: Born to Run.

It's guaranteed to get me on my feet waving my arms in the air and singing at the top of my voice. 'Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run!' If I weren't really dead but everyone thought I was, this is the song that would have me banging on my coffin lid.

I blame James Bond. Ever since I saw Sean Connery have to fight his way out of a coffin about to be burned I've had a horror of being buried alive. At least if you're cremated it's over quickly. Imagine waking up to find yourself under six foot of earth. I'd die of fright.

But I didn't fall on my knife you'll be pleased - or not - to hear so I can play this Bond theme for you.

Now tell me you didn't instantly start wriggling your hips and swirling your hands.

Meanwhile, what song would you like to be cremated to?


Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Do you not a cover for your "sharp " knife ? I would leave it in the draw !!

Ole Phat Stu said...

on the "Highway to Hell" AC/DC ;-)

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

oops Do you NOT have a cover for your "sharp" knife !!

nick said...

Not one of my favourite songs. How about "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life"? But I hope my death is the excuse for a boisterous knees-up and not some dreary, over-respectful fuss-and-bother.

Liz Hinds said...

I do have a cover for the knife, Anne, but I was using it to cut rhubarb so didn't have it on me.

Good choice, Stu.

Me too, Nick. I can't stand funerals when people make out that the person was perfect, some sort of saint.

Graham Hunt said...

I hate the thought of being buried or even closed in too much. I can't even watch programmes about pot holing without getting the jitters. I think people who voluntarily go underground like that are totally bonkers!

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I meant cover for your return from cutting rhubarb :-)