You'll recall my sliced finger from an earlier post; what I didn't mention was that a few days earlier I'd slipped on a wet paving slab in the garden. I athletically turned it into a forward lunge and suffered no damage, apart from a slightly swollen head when I considered said athleticism.
Today returning from the rhubarb patch with sharp knife in hand I again had to manoeuvre wet slabs. it was fine but in my imagination I saw myself slipping, stabbing my leg with the knife, puncturing an artery and dying slowly and alone in the rain. From there it was a mere hiccup to planning the songs I'd have at my funeral.
One of my favourite church songs is Be Thou My Vision, but I'm not sure that a forward-looking song at a funeral would be quite right. So I decided to concentrate on my final song, the piece of music I'd like to be lowered to the flames to.
It was a simple decision in the end. I did wonder about a Beatles song as their music was the soundtrack to my life but there was one clear winner: Born to Run.
It's guaranteed to get me on my feet waving my arms in the air and singing at the top of my voice. 'Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run!' If I weren't really dead but everyone thought I was, this is the song that would have me banging on my coffin lid.
I blame James Bond. Ever since I saw Sean Connery have to fight his way out of a coffin about to be burned I've had a horror of being buried alive. At least if you're cremated it's over quickly. Imagine waking up to find yourself under six foot of earth. I'd die of fright.
But I didn't fall on my knife you'll be pleased - or not - to hear so I can play this Bond theme for you.
Now tell me you didn't instantly start wriggling your hips and swirling your hands.
Meanwhile, what song would you like to be cremated to?