Sunday, July 31, 2011

Catch 22

1) What does it mean to you that Jesus needed to die to free you from the power of sin?

2) What does it mean to you that Jesus gladly did this?

3) What difference does this make in your daily life?

* * * * * * * * * *

Ben was speaking in church today, continuing the series on Philippians, looking at the bit about imitating Christ. As part of his talk he asked 3 people to answer the questions above. I was one of the three. He asked us ahead of time so we could prepare and he said he wanted short, sound-bytish replies.

I pondered for a long time and sought the opinions of others. I know what the expected answers are or what they should be but they don't sit easily with me. I finally came up with these answers:

1) Love isn't fair, thank God.

2) I don't think he went gladly but obediently. This tells me that God's way isn't always the easiest but it's the best. This says to me that I still have such a lot to learn and change.

3) Not enough. I want to really want to change. (I could have added another 'to want' in there because I don't yet want it enough to act.)

Not the most brilliant of answers but I hope they're honest.

But this brings me on to my next point: do I take too much pride in being humble?

I'm a well-educated middle class woman from a church that encourages counselling and therapy, that recommends learning to love yourself and to self-analyse. I've had my share of therapy and thus I find myself analysing my motives and finding them lacking.

I know what Blossum from God's Squad would say: don't be so stupid! Forget the navel-gazing and be who you are, who God created you to be. And let him worry about your flaws.

It's very Catch 22-ish: you're supposed to be humble but if you think you're being humble you're probably not.


katney said...

Something I was reading on prayer the other day comes to mind. I could go look it up but I will paraphrase what I got from it instead. On one extreme you have the prayer of the mystics and at the other you have the prayer of a great sinner just starting to acknowledge his sinfulness and reach toward God. Though you might think the prayer of the mystic is more--well, prayerful--each (and each of us somewhere else on the continuum) is--well, stepping out there in prayer and so the effort to do so is the important thing. That and growing.

And I think it applies to humility, too. The effort and the growth. And the acknowledgement that we have growth to go.

katney said...

If I didn't make sense I will go look it up.