Thursday, May 13, 2010

"I like it"

I was serenaded on Tuesday. Admittedly the singer was drunk but it's not every day a girl gets asked if she minds being serenaded so we have to grab these chances when they come along.

When he'd finished the Gerry and the Pacemakers' song he said, 'I've had a funny old day,' and he proceeded to tell us about it. I'll try and tell you more or less what he said, not including slight diversions and distractions.

'Yesterday, see, I went to see my sister. When I got there her boyfriend said, '"There's a warrant out for you."
"A warrant? For me? What for?"
He didn't know so I left my stuff at my sister's and went down to the police station. I couldn't understand it: I hadn't been in trouble since before Christmas. I walked up to the desk and the copper said, "Hi Dave." They all knows me down there.
I said, "What's this about a warrant out for me?"
He didn't know so he went to find out and then the sergeant came out and he took me into a cell. This morning I was up in front of the magistrates. They'd taken my belt off me so I was standing there with my hands in my pocket holding my trousers up.
"Show some respect! Take your hands out of your pockets."
"I've got to hold my trousers up!"
"Take your hands out!"
I had to hold them up behind my back.
Anyhows then I got taken back to the police station and the sergeant gave me my plastic bag with all my stuff in. "What's this?" I said.
"You can go," he said.
"It's not you we want; it's your brother."

I walked out of the police station and down to Tesco's. I bought a drink and I was standing there drinking it and thinking, "Did that really 'appen?"'

Dave was shaking his head and laughing. And I was weak with laughter.


Gledwood said...

How vulgar!

Gledwood said...

Oh! I wanted to make another fishfingers sandwich and the bread's gone missing now!

Gledwood said...

By the way, I think it's weird a judge/magistrate should be so hung up about someone's hands "in pockets" ~ have they no idea at all what actually goes on?
I used to think would-be judges should have to do five years' imprisonment during their training. That might stop them rolling dice to think up their sentences ~ which I get the distinct impression some judges do, the curly-wigged swines!