Sunday, January 24, 2010

How many husbands could say this?

'You don't talk enough.'

Husband has always grumbled that I don't talk enough to him. That I don't tell him my deep thoughts, fears, even dreams. but I don't talk much to anybody.

I'm not good at talking.

I have such a fear of being a bore that should I decide to tell a story, I speak quickly, jumble up my words and leave out great chunks - which inevitably turn out to be vital to the story so that when I finish, expecting my listener to laugh or respond in some way, I am greeted instead by a blank look, re-affirming in my mind the idea that I am innately boring and shouldn't talk.

That was a long sentence. Have you noticed that I usually even write short sentences, brief posts (the previous one being an exception)? Not that I worry about my writing: brevity is just the style I prefer. I am confident about writing because I can think and plan it out ahead.

My verbal inarticulacy probably goes back to my childhood; everything else seems to.

I was born into a large extended family of talkers (and drinkers incidentally) (social drinkers I mean, not alcoholics). I neither talk nor drink. I blame my quietness on never being able to get a word in edgeways. Maybe if I'd taken up drinking ...

Then again, if I talked as much as I write, I really would be a bore.


Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Your right Liz, how many husbands could say that. Is your husband is a talker? Maybe it is frustrating for him. You have been married a while haven't you, maybe it is something that he has only just thought about.

My husband is not much of a talker and it drives me absolutely around the bend. I get so fed up trying to get something out of him. Yes I would like to know his fears, his dreams . Where would he like to be in a few years, etc etc

I talk and drink...he drives me to drink ha ha

jay said...

He should be grateful. LOL! No, seriously, you're right - not a common complaint from a husband!

It's what I like about blogging. You have all the time in the world to get your post out there. You can take your time and think of all the right words and get everything in order before you offer it up to be heard. I so understand where you're coming from.

Lia said...

My eldest never spoke until he was two and a half, when asked once why he thought he hadn't talked earlier he replied
"Have you met my mother, she's the Jewish one who never shuts up. Why would she use one word when 7 will encompass it. Besides, it was two and a half years before she shut up long enough for me to get a word in side ways"
I have a brother and a son who are both not talkers, funny thing is while they say a lot less than the rest of us, they normally make more sense when they do talk and are certainly worth listening too.
I suspect you are the same.
Much love

Leslie: said...

Oh gee, Liz, I'm just the opposite. Lorne complains that I talk too much and that I speak like a in asking questions too much!

But then, HE likes shopping, which I abhor!

NitWit1 said...

Not my husband! It is 'please shut up for awhile so I can have some peace and quiet.'

SO I talk a lot to the DOG. I talk to myself.

Furtheron said...

I'll not comment ... for obvious reasons :-)

nick said...

I'm not much of a talker either. I have to make a real effort to talk about anything at all. Perhaps because I've been ignored too often in the past, so I assume nobody really wants to listen to me. I rather wish I was a natural chatterbox, at least that would make social occasions easier.

Ole Phat Stu said...

In primitive societies the men went hunting which required silence when stalking.

The women were the gatherers in e.g. the forest and the long grass of the savanna. They made noises merely to communicate their position and that they hadn't been eaten by fierce animals themselves.
It was not necessary for the 'chatter' to have any deeper content.

This explains the asymmetrical division of the use of speech.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

MissKris said...

Growing up in a household of males, I never grew up with many 'female' concepts of what's expected, how I should act, talk, etc. I think I understand the male mind much better than I EVER will the female! As you described yourself you could've been describing me. But give me pen and paper or a keyboard and computer and it's off to the races! I must store up all I don't say verbally and let it spill out here. Some days I feel like I could write forever!