Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Slapped wrists

I've been trying to work out what to write about Zac's last night. I need to write something before I can get on with anything else but i am also hesitant for reasons that may become clear.

When I sat down just before the study started the response of the person I was sitting next to surprised me. What she went on to say surprised me even more. She said that, a few weeks previously, I had upset her. I was oblivious to this. She also said that I'd done the same thing to another Zac's regular a week or so after.

I apologised and said I was duly chastened and would try to be more careful in future but continued - only in my mind - to make excuses and to snipe back at her. I find reproval hard to take and don't deal very well with it.

Afterwards I found the other person and apologised to him. He was puzzled, 'You haven't offended me.' Which was what I thought, but I must be more aware of sensitivities. Lots of Zac's people are fragile and don't need me blundering about. (Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking again: ah, but she ...NO! One wrong doesn't excuse another.)

So, with my mind in a bit of turmoil it was hard to concentrate on the study of David and Goliath. (Gosh, he was a big scary fella!) And made worse by Jerry, who's spent some time in police custody since last Tuesday, as evidenced by the burn-like mark on his wrist from the handcuffs. In one of his vaguely coherent moments he said, 'See, when you're banged up, it's too late to say sorry.'

He has some sort of faith in God but his faith in the bottle is much stronger. Only a miracle is going to change him before it's too late. Please God.

And maybe it was my state of mind but Sean seemed a bit less upbeat than normal too. He needs help; the demands on his time, energy and love are draining. We need something special.


Leslie: said...

I hope that after chastening you, she forgave you. Now you must forgive yourself.

James Higham said...

There are limits to this apologizing business, Liz. for something really bad, maybe but Wodehouse had a quote on that, didn't he? About the right sort of people not needing them.

Furtheron said...

You apologized as soon as you knew - I wouldn't sweat it, you clearly never set up to upset as you were ignorant that you had.

If you think her point was valid then fine use that to reshape your future actions as much as you can. There is nothing you can do above that.

Suburbia said...

I hope that the something special comes along for you all at Zacs very soon.

You have written this down so beautifully, did it help? I hope so. We are all falible, the other person too.

Take care S x

Annie Forrester Barker said...

Liz: Why did she wait so long to tell you? Some people love to nurse a grudge. You've done all you can and with a clean heart. Hope that some lightness comes to you today and that everyone at Zac's finds a special peace.

NitWit1 said...

I guess I am guilty of the offending someone. Most people here don't bother to tell me or anybody.

I think I would appreciate not making the same mistake again, but then I know I would be a little hurt both for myself, and the fact I unwittingly offended someone.

MaryB said...

It is so hard to let this kind of chastisement go - I do the same thing, making excuses (though I think I'm right, sometimes). I got a wrist-slap this week, too. And I get mad at myself for stewing in it so long. Very unproductive. Must move on. (Easier said that done, and don't I know it!)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh Liz, please don't beat yourself up over it. Unfortunately when you're dealing with broken people, it happens because they're in such a fragile state. It's not their fault and it's not yours, it's just one of those unfortunate things.

Take heart from the fact that if they get stronger and learn to take responsibility for their feelings and emotions, things that once hurt them, no longer will.

You're a warm. loving and giving person and most people know you'd never hurt them. Unfortunately the people you're trying to assist are unable to recognise anything outside their own needs. However, I'm sure you know all this and maybe just needed a little backup?

Here's a big hug.

Mean Mom said...

I'm inclined to agree with Puss in Boots on this one. I wouldn't worry about it too much. After all, it appears that you hadn't upset the second person at all!

jmb said...

Sounds as if your guilt complex and mine are twins Liz.

Congratulations on your "send us more non rejection" letter. More will appear in all good time and maybe they will like it, maybe they won't. But it is better than the alternative.

I'm doing catchup here too. The weekend sounds as if it was a great success and yielded some great photos.

Liz said...

Thank you all!

Rushing as I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to London - not blogging!

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