I've been trying to work out what to write about Zac's last night. I need to write something before I can get on with anything else but i am also hesitant for reasons that may become clear.
When I sat down just before the study started the response of the person I was sitting next to surprised me. What she went on to say surprised me even more. She said that, a few weeks previously, I had upset her. I was oblivious to this. She also said that I'd done the same thing to another Zac's regular a week or so after.
I apologised and said I was duly chastened and would try to be more careful in future but continued - only in my mind - to make excuses and to snipe back at her. I find reproval hard to take and don't deal very well with it.
Afterwards I found the other person and apologised to him. He was puzzled, 'You haven't offended me.' Which was what I thought, but I must be more aware of sensitivities. Lots of Zac's people are fragile and don't need me blundering about. (Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking again: ah, but she ...NO! One wrong doesn't excuse another.)
So, with my mind in a bit of turmoil it was hard to concentrate on the study of David and Goliath. (Gosh, he was a big scary fella!) And made worse by Jerry, who's spent some time in police custody since last Tuesday, as evidenced by the burn-like mark on his wrist from the handcuffs. In one of his vaguely coherent moments he said, 'See, when you're banged up, it's too late to say sorry.'
He has some sort of faith in God but his faith in the bottle is much stronger. Only a miracle is going to change him before it's too late. Please God.
And maybe it was my state of mind but Sean seemed a bit less upbeat than normal too. He needs help; the demands on his time, energy and love are draining. We need something special.