Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mair here!

Fancy that! They can't get anyone to play me! I don't know why: I'm hot totty me. Least I am when I've got a bit of slap on and I'm out on the town on a Friday night.

They said I'm too Welshy. They haven't got nobody who can do my accent. 'What accent?' I said. 'I haven't got an accent.'

If they want to hear an accent they want to listen to Billy Connolly. He don't have no trouble. My mam likes him. But he's a bit old now. I fancies Russell Brand. Tiff, she's my friend, works down the jobcentre, you know, I told you about her - she likes older men. Her last boyfriend was 29!

I not courting at the moment. Not that I haven't had plenty of offers, mind. Since I was on the telly I got boys queuing at the door. Begging me to go out with them but I said, 'No! You never wanted me when I was a nobody; you not having me now.'

Mam said I was being silly and I wouldn't get offers like that every day. She was right too. They never came back.

But that's okay, I don't want a boyfriend right now. I'm concentrating on my career. Hey, I'll tell you a secret, shall I? I've applied to be in the next Big Brother house.

They won't know what's hit 'em, they won't, when I get in there.

P.S. There isn't meant to be a picture, just sound.


Gledwood said...

Katherine Zeta perhaps...

or Julie Walters. Though she doesn't seem to be able to do anything apart from't West Midlands accent...(!)

James Higham said...

Hot totty - yeah!

lady macleod said...

Fame is indeed difficult..

Katney said...

They oughta try that Liz. She may be a bit long in the teeth for the part, but she could handle it. Look waht they did with Brad Pitt--played old young and young old all in one.

CherryPie said...

Look out Big Brother ;-)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Giggle...look out Big Brother, here comes Mair!

Liz said...

Mair here.

Oh yeah, Gledwood, Katherine Zeta would be just right for me! I can see it now!

Thank you, Mr 'igham. I don't mind older men myself, see.

Oh, Lady Macleod, you don't know the 'alf!

They got someone in the end, Katney. Pretty girl called Rhiannon. She were good too.

I tell you, cherrypie, I can't wait. I mean, people round here are starting to forget that I was famous but they wouldn't be able to forget if I was on BB, would they?

Do you think we should warn 'em, Puss?