My son the car thief

Betty Beetle had to go to the the garage today as her windscreen wipers don't work. Husband spent best part of an afternoon the weekend before last trying to fix them. At one point he called me for my assistance.
'Just hold down the bonnet, will, you?'
'But you're underneath it.'
'Yes, I know. Just do it.'
What could I say? But it didn't help, so Betty was booked in for today.

This morning there were two problems:
a) It was raining - and her wipers didn't work;
b) after searching every room, bag and pocket, I couldn't find her keys. And I don't have a spare.
Eventually Younger Son found them: in the ignition locked in Betty.
'That's okay; we'll break in,' says I. 'How hard can it be to break into a Beetle?'

After the knife down the side failed, we put the bonnet up. Husband removed the radio during his previous attempt so you can see straight into the car. Younger Son stuck some bent wire around the edge of the door. He said, 'This is how car thieves do it. And how they do it in movies.' I tried to help by leaning into the boot/bonnet and wiggling my bamboo cane through the hole to poke the wire into the correct position. Younger Son did better without my help.

But I don't think I need worry about a life of crime for him. Thirty minutes to break into a Beetle doesn't exactly show aptitude for the job.

And so the day continued in much the same vein.

I was helping in the community cafe in the afternoon. (Our church has a youth cafe that, during school holidays, metamorphoses into the community caff, which is run by volunteers of all ages.) Today I was there with Lynn, a lady of similar age and mindset, a student and two young teens, Ffion and Elin.

After a young male customer had left, Lynn said, 'He was good-looking.'
'Yes, he was,' I said.
'Ahhh, you can't say that!' Ffion and Elin were horrified at such comments from these crazy menopausal women who open the fridge and say, 'Why did I come in here?'
'We can say anything,' Lynn said, and I agreed.

The only reason the girls like me to be there is so they can laugh at me, and I like to be obliging. This afternoon I set fire to three toasted cheese sandwiches, and when I say fire, I mean flames shooting into the air. It was damage limitation time. 'Quick, close the kitchen door so the customers don't smell it burning!'

In spite of that I offered, and the girls, accepted a lift home. It was pouring with rain and my car was parked a short distance away. We started running but after a short sprint I told the girls to take the keys and run on ahead. 'I can't run,' I said.
'Yes, you can. Come on!'
'No, I can't.'
'Why not?'
'My knickers are falling down.'