Friday, October 26, 2007

Bad machine day

Yesterday I called into the bank to pay in a cheque. Our bank has been modernised, meaning machines have replaced people. If you're very sly, you can hover outside the door until the three little helpers in the foyer are all busy, then you can sneak in past them, down the side of the room, round the corner, and there you'll find a human being at a desk. But I didn't want to do that. As I've said before: I am woman; I am not defeated by machines.

I followed the instructions on the machine and stuck my cheque in. The machine spat it out. I tried again, very carefully making sure I had everything the right way up and round; the machine spat it out again. I muttered to myself and went and asked a little helper. 'Of course, I'll come and help you. Now, tell me, what do you want to do? Pay in a cheque is it? Right now just touch the screen, just there. Well done, that's right, and do you want a receipt?' And so on; she very patiently talked me through everything I'd already done, then she put the cheque in and - it worked.

In the car park afterwards I went to pay. Now there is always a problem in the car park as there are three machines and two invariably have hand-written notices stuck on them saying they don't accept notes. And the only one that does is at the opposite end of the car park. I went there, queued, then fed my note in. It spat it out.

I banged my head on the side of the machine then I took out my ticket, picked up all my carrier bags, stuffed my purse under my arm and stumbled to the attendant's office where the attendant was sitting with his feet up. I asked him for change for the machine. 'No,' he said, 'that machine will give you change.'
'No, it won't. I've tried it. It spat my money out.'
Reluctantly he left his comfy seat and we went back to the machine. We queued again then he put in my £10 note. It worked straightaway.

I'm just glad I didn't need to be resuscitated using one of those shabom!-machines. The day I'd had with machines I'd probably have blown its fuse.
xx

14 comments:

Winston said...

I don't mind the ATM (Automated Teller Machine) at the bank, but the self-checkout at the supermarket drives me to the brink. I have tried many times and never once has it worked properly. I won't even try if the human attendant is not properly seated on her stool, because I know that when I scan the first item I will see the message "PLEASE WAIT FOR ATTENDANT."

mdmhvonpa said...

Yeah ... that's machines for ya. I do that kind of thing ALL DAY. I know not to blame the ppl, sometimes is humidity, sunspots, static electricity ... so many real-world variables.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I think it's a technological conspiracy Liz. Those machines are out to get all of us....they know what they're doing. I think there are A LOT of head-banging incidents going on everywhere with these mechanical monsters. I use them as little as possible.

MaryB said...

Damn! Don't you hate when that happens? Like with my DVD player the other week. I swear I went through every configuration and button-pushing sequence 15 times over. No luck. Then, presto-chango, a couple of days later - it works. Meanwhile, everyone thinks I'm a techno-idiot.

And don't you love the patronizing, sympathetic "now, now, Dear" look they give you when they make it work and you can't? Aargh!

mutleythedog said...

These machines are in league with satan and plotting to take over the world.. I am relying on YOU to stop them..

4kidsandadog said...

You need a small child. They very good at getting anything techy to work and opening medicine bottles!!!

leslie said...

It's so frustrating, isn't it? We have the same problem here. I always go to the teller if I have to deposit anything because I just don't trust those machines.

jmb said...

It seems to me you have caught the adventures bug from Lady Mac.
This should all be very straight forward as you have been shown by the various attendants.
I hope you pass the bug on to someone else soon.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

You know, Liz, one way or another machines and technology will do us humans in.

jams o donnell said...

Machines instinctively know when I'm coming and do their level best to casue me as much inconvenience as possible. I'm sure I can hear them sniggering as I approach...

Gledwood said...

I don't know that anyone could persuade me to pay even 10p into the bank at that machine terminal... I mean how is that meant to work? Some robber fills in the deposit sheet for £200 cash and just waits for the chaos to kick off when the machine's opened next morning and it's not there... I mean ..!

Gledwood said...

PS Did you find my new comments any easier to get along with?

They're on a big page like this instead of a tiny popup window...

I changed them just for you!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I hate bank machines! Here it is even worse as they are VERY temperamental. Oh, and those machines that spit your notes back at you used to drive me insane. Don't bash your head in next time, though, Liz!

LAN said...

puma mens shoes
puma shoes
puma speed
nike shoes
nike air
nike air shoes
nike air max 90
nike air max 95
nike air max tn
nike air rift
nike shox r4
nike air max 360
nike shox nz
puma cat
air max trainers
mens nike air max
sports shoes
nike air rifts
nike air rift trainer
nike air
nike shoes air max
nike shoes shox
air shoes
Lucyliu IS Lucyliu
nike shoe cart
puma future
cheap puma
nike rift
jeans shop
diesel jeans
levis jeans
nike rift shoes
cheap nike air rifts
bape shoes