Unexpectedly leading Zac's bible study on Tuesday. Found out early afternoon. Looked at the Emmaus Road incident. Halfway through one of the regulars got up and left, saying, 'You keep saying the same things. You don't know nothing.'
The rational sensible bit of me says, 'Forget it. Remember that:
a) he is more than a little the worse for drink;
b) his mood can change in the course of an evening from reasonably pleasant to aggressively unpleasant;
and c) he has been equally uncomplimentary to Sean.'
That's the rational, sensible bit of my brain. But the emotional bit says, 'Waaah! he's right! I'm a fraud, a sham. I shouldn't be doing this.'
When I write on the page or on the screen I am articulate. I think about sentence formation and grammar and carefully write and rewrite in my head before committing myself. When I talk, at the best of times, I stumble and get my words mixed-up. When I'm flustered I go to pieces completely. Grammar is left at the bus stop and my sentences never end.
'So we have this um story of these ... I mean um people ... when we started ... we knew that ... um ... you know ... ah... that God would as you said um do that ... and then shall we ... I'd like us to ... '
I won't go on. Unlike my sentences.
And to be fair he did have a point: I was repeating myself. A lack of preparation and unreadiness caused that. But in my defence it was a fairly disrupted evening with people coming in late and loudly-whispered conversations going on in the background. So some things needed to be repeated.
And some things can't be said enough. Things like it's a level playing field, everyone is welcome, everyone is invited to express a point of view.
Don't worry about me. I'll be okay ... in a week or two.