I was leading Zac's last night. The two previous weeks Steve led and we had nice orderly discussions with lots of people participating; last night, well, it wasn't a disaster but it didn't feel particularly beneficial either.
For a start there were more people not there than there (a sentence that made perfect sense in my head). Then there was one man who's the scary combination of violent charmer, who occasionally joins in the discussion but not in a way anyone can understand; and the other, who almost continually wandered around the room, sometimes swearing, sometimes laughing.
People always come and go during the study so that shouldn't have been a distraction but I found it hard to keep on track.
And that's before we get on to the topic, the parable of the rich fool. When I saw Martin earlier in the day he asked me what the topic was and when I told him replied, 'You're the only one that'll be relevant to.'
At the time I assumed he meant I was the only one who could be considered rich (relatively) but I suppose he might have meant I was the only fool ...
Anyway, last night I admitted I felt a little uncomfortable with the subject. I am well aware that my life is a lot cushier than that of anyone else who goes to Zac's and I can't really grasp the horror of some of the lives they've led. However I have lost or come close to losing people dear to me and because of that and acknowledging how important that person is and how much I needed God to get me through situations that I think - I hope - I hold on to possessions lightly.
But maybe it was that people felt the story wasn't for them especially because we didn't have a huge amount of discussion. I'd prepared questions and I don't think there was anything extra I could have done to loosen tongues and encourage more dialogue.
Or maybe it is me. Steve is a relaxed quick-witted leader; I nervously swivel my chair round and round while desperately trying to think of a response/conversation-continuer: sometimes I even forget what I'm trying to think of a response to!
Ah, well, Steve's leading next week and then Sean is back - alleluia!